you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
