They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
