Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
