This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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