smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
