If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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