Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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