My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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