Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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