Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
