the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
