u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
