i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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