did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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