im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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