i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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