the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
