Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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