We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
there is glitter all over my balls
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