either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
