Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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