If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
