how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
