Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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