You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
