The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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