dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You smell like stripper and shame
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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