end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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