kristin has been a bad kristin
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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