So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
