I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
