OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
