I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
