i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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