I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
