Screwed.edu
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
