What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
