guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The Olympian is in my bed
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
