I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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