I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
