I am in a vortex of obligation.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
