Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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