i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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