Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
