AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
