We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We are two peas in an std pod
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
