I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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