im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
