ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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