i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
