well I can't set my house on fire every night
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
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