She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
