I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
