I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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