I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
