Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
