i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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